Idk

Turning into the man I am trying not to be
living a life that's not meant to be
how much longer should i go till the heart stops its beat

They said my days are few i might not even see thirty-two
the fight is no longer for me my faith i accept

It's my home my new home i cant go back to my old home
so content that i am ready just waiting for my time to come

the times they are a definitely changing
the earth my home is dying and i am dying r

the future uncertain but no chance of growth
you child are just that a child

my heart for its few years has put up a great fight
i new this day will come

goodbye old home and all you gave
 sitting here waiting for destiny to do its just duty

Hey Jesus

Hey Jesus, its been a while,
I know you have been calling me for quite some time,
I've answered your call many times I was just too frighten to say a word,
I've even called back a few times, I was scared to say anything when you answered,

Hey Jesus, I wonder what your voice sounds like,
I've been meaning to ask, have you been the one walking with me,
Why do I cry for you but when you come to wipe my tears away I turn my back to you,

Hey Jesus, why do you put up with me,
I'm not worthy, all I've ever done was spit in your face and deny your name,
When I was alone and afraid where you the one comforting me,
Its still hard to wrap my head around that you died specifically for me,

Hey Jesus, I promise to talk to you real soon,
maybe you will come down and play catch with me,
when I look up to see you do you look down to see me,
when my time comes will you hold me like a father holds his child,

            Hey Jesus, I Love you,
                               And i know you Love me too.

Moment, Time, Place,

I live a life hard to explain to the naked eye,
it's a moment and it's a time,
it's a place sacred in the moment and time,
it's my life but not my life its the moments life,
within this place restrictions serve no purpose,
we are free to be who we want to be,
but bound to our secrets are we,
the idea of time and reasoning are desolate in our time of momentary bliss

Walking this path  knowing where my feet will take me,
my mind walks next to me and reasoning next to my mind,
on route to my destination I ponder what may be,
should I show restraint or let lose the beast within me,

You cannot justify the passion of the moment,
nor give reason to the uncontrolled time,
we may be free in this sacred place,
but father time moves at his own pace,

This life I live is it real or is it a lie,
have we gone so far,
that we allow the moment and time to dictate our life,
I know one day it will all end but at what cost,
do we push all boundaries or stop before its too late,
do we dare mark our most sacred embrace in this sacred place,
and when it ends everything we held shall die in that place,
and the memory will be our only saving grace.

Farewell

Farewell oh sweet benevolent eyes,
you have served your purpose in my life

Farewell oh warm fervent gentle hands,
you have done your deed now your very touch runs cold

Farewell oh soft delicate lips,
you have made intentions known, now your kiss is dry and lifeless in my heart

Farewell goodbye adieu,
 we have run our course and now I bid farewell to you

Farewell and with my final goodbye,
I say hello to you liveliness and the new adventure that awaits me.

Depth...

Have you ever? Have I ever? Loved a women so much so that the fairest of jewels pales in comparison to her unmatched beauty. When in her presence the sun shines that much brighter, the night skies that much clearer. How can you question love? Have you never felt her breath upon your skin, as her gaze pierces the heart? Does her warmth not captivate the mind?  Love like a delicate flower if not properly kept shall wilt and fade. I have lost Love….. Love has left me, the sun fades, the eyes dim, the skies black and gray, falling into deep despair am I not allowed? The pain of loss more excruciating than hell's inferno. Like a leech seeking life, you attach self to anything that brings evanescent joy, broken yet it still beats. I....you.. have convinced self that love has come and left, and I am to never love again.

How foolish am I? How foolish are you?  To think love lost meant love never to return. When sun parts way for moon to rise does the sun not rise again? Though the heart welcomes back adoration with open arms, do you not see the strain in lover’s eyes? Time truly heals all wounds but time does not erase painful memories, can one give them self to you without cause for concern, lest you break heart again and recovery not possible. I... you will welcome love again but with reserve until you have proven cause for love to be returned freely and with adulation.

                               Like the sun's radiant ember I am yours as you are mine.

The Change #1

Pacing around wondering what is going on.

The weight of your heart and gravity pushes you forward,

Your legs stop moving your knee buckles and you fall, 

The mind is heavy you feel fifty years older, 

You have been running, you have been fighting, 

You have been questioning, you started doubting, 

You can feel it the end is here, you have ran as far as you can, 

You know you couldn't fight forever and now you feel it more than ever,

It's like an asthma attack your breathing has become shallow your body is paralyzed.

Gasping for air with tears running down your face you lift your head up looking to the skies 

"JESUS" you scream “JESUS" you scream again, you close your eyes and scream "JESUS" one more time 

With tears flowing down your face, eyes still closed you drop your head. In your mind you say to yourself "I will run no more, Jesus I will give you every part of me"....... 

Open your eyes my child I am here......... 

Skylar

As you lay in God's arms I pray you may never know this feeling that is pain. 

I have waited nine months to hold you and when I finally got the chance to do so within minutes I have lost you.

Skylar, my princess Skylar, your mother and I miss you so much,

I cry each night asking God why? Why couldn't he take me, why take the apple of my eye.

You never even got a proper chance; you never got to experience the unconditional love that is your mother and I. I had dreams of you and I but now the memories serves to haunt me. I had dreams of you crawling into to the room reaching out for me to pick you up and hold you, to rest you on my chest, to hold you while you slept. Your mother she misses you so much I fear she may never recover. It hurts that we will never get to see you grow we will never get to witness the woman you would have been. As your mother and I sit in the park with tears running down our cheeks, I watch the other kids run around and giggle knowing that I will never get to pick you up when you fall, or to bandage your little scrapes while your mother kisses the pain away. The nights hurt the most because we won’t get our goodnight kisses. We won’t get to laugh as you try to wear your mothers make up and walk around in her heels. I will never get to threaten the guy that asks you to be his wife. I won’t know what it's like to walk you down the isle, knowing that I would cry tears of joy as I give you away. Skylar your mother and I wonders how heaven is treating you, I hope your behaving and not giving God a hard time. I wish you can speak to us, or send us letters, telling us how great heaven is and how you can’t wait for us to join you. Skylar your mother and I long to hear you say "I LOVE YOU MOMMY AND I LOVE YOU DADDY” We love you Skylar and though you're not here you will always be daddy's princess. Until we meet again My love My child..

Broken

                                 I AM A BROKEN MAN

The heavens they smile upon you, they smile upon your beauty your grace the way you move in such majestic ways.

Who am I,Who am I but the guy that cries, who am i but the guy that tries

You are an angel and i am a common man, but with a touch from you i can see the gods and the way they smile on you

I am a broken man, a hurting man, i am a lost man, i am a man who seeks to find his peace

you are an angel one that i have made fallen and i pray God gives me strength to write the wrongs and to take you back to where you belong

I am a man with out an heart trying to keep my self alive I am not a man i am a dog without honor

i lost my grace trying to protect you and save face

I am a man who has abused drugs, i am a man who has marked my self with a tattoo to erase memories of you   the man that i am

I have been threw enough hell to know that i will die for my own sins but i pray that i will also die for yours

Who am i but a man who lost the best thing i had

                                     SOMEBODY  HELP ME
Because i am a man a man with many flaws and a man who has scars and tattoos on his body and is willing to say goodbye to everybody

She was the sun i fear never to rise again

I am a man.
                                                 I AM A BROKEN MAN





***** In this poem there is a message one you will find if you read between the lines*****

Chip

Hey there old chip, looking so slick

play that song Mr slick rick,

step on a banana and you might slip

so you better get a grip Mr slick rick

so go on have a hissy fit and flip 

skip school and end up on a strip

or go strip on a ship :)

(hahaha cheeky)

Lost You

Was it fear why I never held on to you, or was it the ignorance of youth
I lost you when i had you, i sought pleasures before i sought you
Regrets consume me it eats at my mind, to know i could be waking up to you
Lonely is my bed for its meant for two but its only me and not you

I wake each morning hoping to see you,
to see a smile a to see a nose to see your eyes
to see the face that fills the empty space

Was I such a fool, how could I not see the best thing for me was you
I lost you when i had you, I sought pleasures before i sought you
I say empty prayers as half my pillows are filled with empty tears
how can I be free if your not standing next to me
If only i knew loosing you meant loosing me

I wake each morning hoping to see you,
to see a smile a to see a nose to see your eyes
to see the face that fills the empty space

Was it not you God that made things in two, was she not a promise from you
Regrets consume me it eats at my soul, to know i could be waking up to you 
If temptations didn't exist i wouldn't have been tempted from you
I only blame me for loosing you, I only blame me for loosing you
If only i can tell you i love you.. ohh to see heavy heart lifted

I wake each morning hoping to see you,
to see a smile a to see a nose to see your eyes
to see the face that fills the empty space


If only i can tell you i love you,..ohh to see heavy heart lifted

Weary Traveler

Oo weary traveler come with me to the cave of allegory

follow me to the place were slaves are set free 

find voice and speak heavy thoughts 

for your slumber mind shall not be distraught

Oo weary traveler come with me to the cave of allegory

follow me to the place where free men have become enslaved

find tongue unless you have been depraved 

for once you know the knowledge you can never leave the cave

Oo weary traveler follow me as we leave the cave of allegory

you have seen the truth and now have dominion over your thoughts

spread wings like eagle and set sights beyond the clouds  

search the sky like the astronauts,

Oo weary traveler never follow me to the cave of allegory 

 unless you wish to never be free..........

***** To better Understand*****

the cave of allegory or the allegory of the cave is taken from the Greek Philosopher Plato

The Allegory is related to Plato's Theory of Forms, according to which the "Forms" (or "Ideas"), and not the material world of change known to us through sensation, possess the highest and most fundamental kind of reality. Only knowledge of the Forms constitutes real knowledge.[1] In addition, the Allegory of the Cave is an attempt to explain the philosopher's place in society: to attempt to enlighten the "prisoners".

Cancer

She shows tremendous strength even tho the cancer is killing her i wish i was as strong as her weak heart, i pray you will recover my soul weeps for your failing strength, why are you drying my tears i should be drying yours. i am sorry i am so fragile hold on please hold on do not giving to death don't tell me you time has come i still believe you will overcome this. Please i'm begging don't give up if you die i will surely die, please dry the tears from your eye. you told me to open my eyes and my arms and embrace all that love has to offer now i'm looking at you dying in front of me how can i recover please tell me how can i embrace what is taking you away from me. this disease will pass please just don't give up yet i will stop shedding these tears when you stop shedding yours. God when will this end she needs to be free she is aching her body is failing please stop this hurting she is loosing the joy out of her eyes why her, what good can come from this Why??? 

Moment

You give the heart reason to beat. you give me reason to breathe. hold my hands rest your head upon my breast. Speak not and let the sounds of the night treat us to a dance. let the stars be our light and let the gentle breeze and the soothing whistle of the trees be our music. hold me close let our hearts beat in unison. focus wondering eyes and put them to mine search my eyes till you find my soul and i shall search yours till we become whole.

Road

One road the only road that will ever matter is the road we travel on our own. The road changes like the seasons. the philosophers & poets of past has left us guides in there work, they instruct us on what to expect on these roads: love, happiness, betrayal, forgiveness, and peace, companion ones true self. but I fear I have lost my guide before I have ever really read it. I take to my road once more stumbling and tripping. learning as i go each mistake, each lesson, each change I will record I will add it to my guide. the guide i shall use to make the journey of my child that much easier when they are presented with opportunity to walk there own road. A road i will take no more for my road will end.