Idk

Turning into the man I am trying not to be
living a life that's not meant to be
how much longer should i go till the heart stops its beat

They said my days are few i might not even see thirty-two
the fight is no longer for me my faith i accept

It's my home my new home i cant go back to my old home
so content that i am ready just waiting for my time to come

the times they are a definitely changing
the earth my home is dying and i am dying r

the future uncertain but no chance of growth
you child are just that a child

my heart for its few years has put up a great fight
i new this day will come

goodbye old home and all you gave
 sitting here waiting for destiny to do its just duty

Hey Jesus

Hey Jesus, its been a while,
I know you have been calling me for quite some time,
I've answered your call many times I was just too frighten to say a word,
I've even called back a few times, I was scared to say anything when you answered,

Hey Jesus, I wonder what your voice sounds like,
I've been meaning to ask, have you been the one walking with me,
Why do I cry for you but when you come to wipe my tears away I turn my back to you,

Hey Jesus, why do you put up with me,
I'm not worthy, all I've ever done was spit in your face and deny your name,
When I was alone and afraid where you the one comforting me,
Its still hard to wrap my head around that you died specifically for me,

Hey Jesus, I promise to talk to you real soon,
maybe you will come down and play catch with me,
when I look up to see you do you look down to see me,
when my time comes will you hold me like a father holds his child,

            Hey Jesus, I Love you,
                               And i know you Love me too.

Moment, Time, Place,

I live a life hard to explain to the naked eye,
it's a moment and it's a time,
it's a place sacred in the moment and time,
it's my life but not my life its the moments life,
within this place restrictions serve no purpose,
we are free to be who we want to be,
but bound to our secrets are we,
the idea of time and reasoning are desolate in our time of momentary bliss

Walking this path  knowing where my feet will take me,
my mind walks next to me and reasoning next to my mind,
on route to my destination I ponder what may be,
should I show restraint or let lose the beast within me,

You cannot justify the passion of the moment,
nor give reason to the uncontrolled time,
we may be free in this sacred place,
but father time moves at his own pace,

This life I live is it real or is it a lie,
have we gone so far,
that we allow the moment and time to dictate our life,
I know one day it will all end but at what cost,
do we push all boundaries or stop before its too late,
do we dare mark our most sacred embrace in this sacred place,
and when it ends everything we held shall die in that place,
and the memory will be our only saving grace.

Farewell

Farewell oh sweet benevolent eyes,
you have served your purpose in my life

Farewell oh warm fervent gentle hands,
you have done your deed now your very touch runs cold

Farewell oh soft delicate lips,
you have made intentions known, now your kiss is dry and lifeless in my heart

Farewell goodbye adieu,
 we have run our course and now I bid farewell to you

Farewell and with my final goodbye,
I say hello to you liveliness and the new adventure that awaits me.

Depth...

Have you ever? Have I ever? Loved a women so much so that the fairest of jewels pales in comparison to her unmatched beauty. When in her presence the sun shines that much brighter, the night skies that much clearer. How can you question love? Have you never felt her breath upon your skin, as her gaze pierces the heart? Does her warmth not captivate the mind?  Love like a delicate flower if not properly kept shall wilt and fade. I have lost Love….. Love has left me, the sun fades, the eyes dim, the skies black and gray, falling into deep despair am I not allowed? The pain of loss more excruciating than hell's inferno. Like a leech seeking life, you attach self to anything that brings evanescent joy, broken yet it still beats. I....you.. have convinced self that love has come and left, and I am to never love again.

How foolish am I? How foolish are you?  To think love lost meant love never to return. When sun parts way for moon to rise does the sun not rise again? Though the heart welcomes back adoration with open arms, do you not see the strain in lover’s eyes? Time truly heals all wounds but time does not erase painful memories, can one give them self to you without cause for concern, lest you break heart again and recovery not possible. I... you will welcome love again but with reserve until you have proven cause for love to be returned freely and with adulation.

                               Like the sun's radiant ember I am yours as you are mine.

The Change #1

Pacing around wondering what is going on.

The weight of your heart and gravity pushes you forward,

Your legs stop moving your knee buckles and you fall, 

The mind is heavy you feel fifty years older, 

You have been running, you have been fighting, 

You have been questioning, you started doubting, 

You can feel it the end is here, you have ran as far as you can, 

You know you couldn't fight forever and now you feel it more than ever,

It's like an asthma attack your breathing has become shallow your body is paralyzed.

Gasping for air with tears running down your face you lift your head up looking to the skies 

"JESUS" you scream “JESUS" you scream again, you close your eyes and scream "JESUS" one more time 

With tears flowing down your face, eyes still closed you drop your head. In your mind you say to yourself "I will run no more, Jesus I will give you every part of me"....... 

Open your eyes my child I am here......... 

Skylar

As you lay in God's arms I pray you may never know this feeling that is pain. 

I have waited nine months to hold you and when I finally got the chance to do so within minutes I have lost you.

Skylar, my princess Skylar, your mother and I miss you so much,

I cry each night asking God why? Why couldn't he take me, why take the apple of my eye.

You never even got a proper chance; you never got to experience the unconditional love that is your mother and I. I had dreams of you and I but now the memories serves to haunt me. I had dreams of you crawling into to the room reaching out for me to pick you up and hold you, to rest you on my chest, to hold you while you slept. Your mother she misses you so much I fear she may never recover. It hurts that we will never get to see you grow we will never get to witness the woman you would have been. As your mother and I sit in the park with tears running down our cheeks, I watch the other kids run around and giggle knowing that I will never get to pick you up when you fall, or to bandage your little scrapes while your mother kisses the pain away. The nights hurt the most because we won’t get our goodnight kisses. We won’t get to laugh as you try to wear your mothers make up and walk around in her heels. I will never get to threaten the guy that asks you to be his wife. I won’t know what it's like to walk you down the isle, knowing that I would cry tears of joy as I give you away. Skylar your mother and I wonders how heaven is treating you, I hope your behaving and not giving God a hard time. I wish you can speak to us, or send us letters, telling us how great heaven is and how you can’t wait for us to join you. Skylar your mother and I long to hear you say "I LOVE YOU MOMMY AND I LOVE YOU DADDY” We love you Skylar and though you're not here you will always be daddy's princess. Until we meet again My love My child..